It’s been a week since the Miami Dolphins added a fresh batch of players to their roster via the NFL draft. From the selection of highly acclaimed Alabama wide receiver Jaylen Waddle with the sixth-overall pick to the signing of his college teammate, fullback Carl Tucker, there are some new faces on their way to the Dolphins’ Davie facility.
But who are these guys, really? What do you need to know about them? Both great questions. Neither something we can answer. What we can tell you are some extremely unimportant facts you don’t need to know about the newest Miami Dolphins. Why? Because anyone can read Wikipedia or pull up statistics.
We wanted to know what these new Dolphins players are really all about, so we did some digging and found some interesting things. Come along, everyone. Get to know the newest Dolphins players in a way you never knew you needed to until now.
Jaylen Waddle reportedly has a huge crush on Miley Cyrus. We just report the important news, folks. In my reading about Waddle prior to the draft, one factoid continued to come up: This man was/is a big fan of Miley Cyrus.
We’re not entirely sure if Miami’s top pick still has a crush on Miley, but that’s probably something mainstream sports media should get an answer to immediately. While they’re working on an answer to that, we’ll try to figure out what to call them if they ever date. Jayley? Wadrus? Admittedly, these do not roll off the tongue like J-Rod or Bennifer. We’ll keep fleshing this out.
Jaelan Phillips will wish you a happy birthday for $45 on Cameo. Is there really anything Miami sports fans don’t know about a guy who played for the Hurricanes last season? By now, everyone has heard that Phillips was working on his music while out of football for a year. That tends to happen when you’re hit by a car while riding a moped. But that’s old news.
But do you know what isn’t old news? The fact that Phillips will congratulate your son on his bar mitzvah if you send him a $50 bill on the Cameo app. The man is free of the NCAA chains and ready to profit off of his likeness. Secure the entire bag, Jaelan.
As a side note, he sounds exactly like ex-Dolphins great and Hall of Fame defensive end Jason Taylor. It’s crazy.
Start by changing the name of Deady Hall. Who’s named after Matthew Deady. President of the Oregon Constitutional Convention of 1857. He advocated for discrimination against Chinese and Black immigrants, as well as in favor for Slavery In Oregon. https://t.co/K0a6TuOeRS
— Vón???? (@HollywoodVon) June 3, 2020
Jevon Holland helped force Oregon to rename an on-campus building. During the height of the Black Lives Matter protests last summer, Jevon Holland used his celebrity status on the Oregon campus for good. Holland had learned a campus building was named after a man who was once quoted as saying that Black people are just as much property as “horses, cattle, and land,” so he went to work on social media to change it.
Oregon held an emergency meeting and changed the name of the building. The Dolphins seem to be getting much more than a football player in Holland.
The Dolphins’ second-round pick, Liam Eichenberg, is a dead ringer for the dad from The Incredibles. There are probably some fun facts about Liam Eichenberg floating around the internet, but we thought it was most important to point out the fact that this man looks exactly like Bob Parr, the dad in The Incredibles. We may need to even start a campaign to make his nickname Mr. Incredible. It’s uncanny.
Sometimes the interesting facts about our local sports heroes come from unique places. What can we say?
After high school, no one wanted Hunter Long to play football for them. Literally no one. After new Dolphins tight end Hunter Long graduated from high school, he didn’t get a single offer to play college football, so he did a year at a postgraduate school in Massachusetts before some small schools came calling. Luckily, nearby Boston College had some interest, and he jumped on the offer.
Now, he’s a Miami Dolphin. From not being wanted by winless small schools in Nebraska to the NFL. That’s quite a ride.
Larnel Coleman’s favorite musical artist is Fabolous. We’re not here to judge anyone, but it seems newsworthy that in 2021, the offensive lineman the Dolphins picked in the seventh round, Larnel Coleman, is openly telling people his favorite musical artist is the rapper Fabolous. This is not like being a big Tupac or Biggie fan — this is openly admitting that a rapper who peaked in 2011 is the top of the mountain to you. This completely boggles the mind, but to each his own.
Coleman also loves to play paintball, something else that was very popular in 2011. We haven’t asked, but I’d guess that was his favorite year.
Gerrid Doaks’ biggest annoyance is when people “clap” their food when they eat. It would probably be a good idea to avoid eating around the Dolphins’ seventh-round running back, Gerrid Doaks. If you make too much noise chewing those Cheetos, you may regret it. When asked before the draft what his biggest irritant was, Doaks said it was people who “clap” their food when eating.
As a bonus, he also said three people, dead or alive, that he would want to eat dinner with would be Dave Chappelle, Kobe Bryant, and Marshawn Lynch.
Undrafted free agent Jerome Johnson’s mom says “he watches too much TikTok,” and it shows. The Dolphins only had seven draft picks, so we’ll venture into the lesser-known and take a look at some of their undrafted free agents. Here, we have Indiana defensive tackle Jerome Johnson, who, according to his mom, needs a TikTok intervention.
It showed in a game against Michigan State last year. Johnson sacked the quarterback twice, and after both sacks, did popular TikTok dances.
More important than his TikTok addiction is that Johnson is a singer. So if he makes the team, you can be sure the Dolphin veterans will be having him sing something to them when it comes time to haze the rookies.
Robert Jones loves Italian beef. Listen, if you think it’s so easy to find fun facts about undrafted players out of Middle Tennessee State, you’re wrong. What we do have here is something I found interesting: Robert Jones is a huge fan of Italian beef. Have you ever heard someone say Italian beef is their favorite food? Maybe pepperoni or sausage, but just Italian beef, in general? My guess is he ordered a lot of Pizza Hut in college and his favorite topping was Italian beef.
Anyway, if this guy makes the team, his nickname is Italian Beef now. Just think of how confusing that would be for those not in the know.
Root for Alabama free agent Carl Tucker because he is the longest of shots to make the team. On its face, the transaction of signing a tight end/fullback from Alabama seems like a worthwhile bet. In reality, Carl Tucker only played for Alabama for a few months, and he never caught a pass for them.
Before Bama, Tucker played five seasons for North Carolina. He was awarded a sixth season after receiving a medical redshirt and he transferred to Alabama, where he won a national championship. It worked out well. Now, he’ll bet on himself to catch his first pass in two years in the NFL.
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